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Campus hypnosis and shiny corporate giftwraps
September 6th, 2008 posted by stiban_graffiti under Uncategorized. [ Comments: 14 ]

I had a YM conversation with my former EIC two nights ago. The simple hello greeting ignited into a short discussion over homosexuality and how I considered it as a physical disease. At first, she was refusing to entertain my questions about the said topic and she explained that we were no longer in the student publication anymore to talk about serious things. But I still managed to force her to just get along with my midnight mental convulsion even for a few questions. After that, she just advised me to write a post about my views on homosexuality and on our detoriating sense of morality. But I refused coz it is just an ‘advise’ even if she was Ms. Celia. Also, I don’t have the urge to write about such stuff.
Homosexuality is not the topic of my post here. That conversation with that TAC alumna brought something back to my thoughs about my student publication years. I remembered the years when I saw myself with a bunch of literary hooligans enjoying freedom inside the pub. We got no advisers from the admin before and as far as I can remember, TAC never had one ever since it was born some eons ago.
We enjoyed freedom for our pens. We had campus press freedom.We weren’t required to bow to a professor. We were college students already. We were not in a high school pub. We were old enough to know what has to be done. We were not kids anymore or ‘bata’ as some individual might think. I hate hearing that authoritative word ‘bata’ being referred to an adult - especially to college writers.
As far I know, I have only three local definitions of the word ‘bata’. First, it is used to refer to a small kid from age 1 to 11. “Ang daming batang naglalaro sa playground oh. Ung isa wala pang salawal.Ung isa iyakin.” Second, ‘bata’ is used to refer to someone’s girlfriend or boyfriend. We usually hear “Pre, bata mo ba yan? Me bata ka na ah.” Third, it is used to refer to a mobster’s goons or to a cop’s men to imply authority over them. I usually hear villains like Paquito Diaz saying “Maghanda ka na, paparating na ang mga bata ko!” What I am just trying to tell is that college students are grown ups already. If we will not treat them as grown ups, eh kelan pa? Perhaps they are even more matured compared to some professors because I strongly believe that ‘maturity’ is not entirely and solely dependent on the age of an individual. Rather, maturity should be based on experience and lessons gained. Age is just like an empty canister. Some old men got big canisters but are only half-filled. Some young individuals got their small canisters filled already up to its rim. Nice analogy. Ehem. Even if you are in your 60s, you can still be an immature because of your stupidity and stubbornness. You just got older, not wiser.
Our misconception about maturity can lead us away from our noble goals of guiding the young generation. If we will always watch what they are doing and forcing them to rigidly follow our commands, we are unconsiously treating them like prisoners. If we also authoritatively enforce to them our principles, beliefs, judgements, and morals and we asked them to kneel over it, then what kind of education or guidance are we giving to these college students? We are not educating them. We are hypnotizing them. We are training them to be dependent of us. We are training them to be dependent of our ‘light’ and not to make their own lights.
We are also turning them into a tasty but lifeless stuffed chicken with no self identity. This misconception of misled education is the plague that has been swallowing our education system. There is no more liberty and academic freedom in campuses for students to grow and learn in their own ways. If we say that they have to be guided, we must not forget that there is a very thin line that separates guidance and imposition. Imposition is the death of education.
That’s why most college students after they have left their universities to embrace the f_ck me-f_ck you-f_ck him-f_ck her-f_ck youself-f_ck everyone-outside world, they are as flat as their diplomas. Most colleges and universities can only produce ‘learned’ graduates and not ‘educated’ ones. And based on what I have observed in my professional life, these fresh graduates who have successfully entered the workforce are still under the effect of ‘college hypnosis’.  Of course, they were trained to be competent to their chosen professions but as individuals or as human beings – they lack the necessary traits and virtues that will protect them from the pangs and claws of the real world. Trigonomentry cannot defend your right as a Filipino. Your scientific calculator cannot help you solve the complexities of your co-employees’s animalistic behaviors nor your 1s as an academician can be used to spear through the dilemmas of our motherland.
Education and compentence should not be based solely on academic grades. That’s why I am really disgusted about the Admin’s No-Failing-Grade policy being imposed to all students who want to serve their fellow Adamsonians thru entering the student government. If someone got a failed mark in his Calculus, it should not hinder him of his ambition to serve and to be a leader. Having a failed mark doesn’t ‘ultimately’ mean that a certain student is irresponsible or lazy or an idiot. Goddamnit! I am really bewildered why it is more difficult to run as an AUSG president than to run as a president of this god-f_cked country. Can someone explain and give me the logical justification (if there’s any) of this stinking stupidity by OSA?
That policy is a clear and malignant violation of your student rights. Honestly, I know the arcane reasons why they came up with that filtering scheme. They want to be assured that those who will be qualified to run will only be from their cesspool of ‘learned’ students and not from the very few ‘educated’ ones.
I just hope that they have not yet fully imposed it to the student publication (or am I late already?). For me, it is right to use the academic performance of a campus writer as a factor for his qualification to stay in the pub. If he is getting too serious about his duty as a writer and he neglects his academics, it is the obligation of the editorial board to give necessary disciplinary actions to their staff – not necessarily to terminate them. That’s why being in the editorial board doesn’t only require writing and editing skills, one must also have the trait of a leader. But again, the No-Failing-Grade policy is a no-no for me. It is just like using a jungle bolo to ruthlessly slash the neck of someone who got a simple migraine. Anyway, why are we so concerned about academic grades? Ah, I almost forgot! It is mainly because of the dreaded campus hypnosis. Silly me. If this is the type of education that we are getting and paying for, I can say that we are going nowhere. How can we say that we are educated?
We have politicians who got their ‘education’ from prestiguous universities, some even went to Harvard and Yale. We are blessed and cursed with ‘educated’ public officials. And yet, after the long span of decades tainted with rallies and anxieties, these breed of government mutts did nothing to alleviate our race from its pigsty of miseries. These big time crooks are definitely the product of our benevolent education system.
But they are the nadir of our education system’s failure. For your level, I can surely expect a newly-hired graduate to easily solve a math problem or enumerate the countries of the world with its capitals but I am doubtful if he can protect his rights as a person or defend himself when he is forced to. It is because of the fact that our rotten ‘education’ system is based on ‘yes sir-yes mam’ method of teaching. We were absolutely trained to follow instructions and commands with a high level of competence. We were trained to be Class A corporate slaves. We were trained to serve multinational companies and not our society and fellow men.
Sad to say, after your graduation, you will be suddenly spanked in the face with the realization that you are not yet ready and the things that you have learned from our learning institutions are just SUPERFICIAL. Apparent but unreal. Shiny giftwraps, empty carton boxes.
We know how to walk  but we don’t  know how to stand.
(Imagine I used a straight face emoticon instead of a period to end this post.)



stiban_graffiti has blogged 9 posts



Hinagpis ng Isang Lasing na Kabalyero sa Kalaw
July 27th, 2008 posted by stiban_graffiti under Uncategorized. [ Comments: 1 ]

Langyang buhay to!

Wala nang saysay ang lahat!

Ito na ang huling gabi ko…

Sa panahong ito hindi ko maiwasan na maramdamang isa akong naglalakbay na ether sa kalye ng Kalaw. Tsong, kasi naman ang dami kong problema talaga! Naknamputsa! Problema sa bahay, sa buhay, at sa pesteng pag-ibig. Tsong, pagod na akong umiyak eh! Pwede ba kausapin mo naman ako. Kanina ka pa kasi walang kibo dyan. Me problema ka rin ba gaya ko? Sige, kung ayaw mo hindi na nga kita pipilitin. Samahan mo na lamang akong uminom dyan para sa huling paglalasing ko. Huli na talaga ito.

Tsong, bilisan natin ng lakad at medyo umaambon na. Baka kasi sipunin tayo. Tsong, maraming salamat ha. Pasensya na kasi naistorbo kita uli. Huwag kang mag-alala, last na last na last na ito at mamaya ilang oras bago magising si Aling Remedios ay wala na ako. Kaya tsong salamat uli at sinamahan mo ako sa celebration ko ngayon kasi makakalaya na ako.

Andito na tayo tsong. Umakyat na tayo sa taas. Mas malalasing tayo pag nasa mas mataas na elevation tayo. Wag mo nang itanong sa akin kung bakit at kung saan ko nalaman yun kasi hindi ko na rin matatandaan kung paano ko ba nalaman iyon. Oo nga pala, hindi ka nga pala kikibo kasi mukhang mas malaki pa ang problema mo sa akin. Halika, dun tayo sa madilim na sulok para makita natin yung mga ibang nag-iinuman.

Darating ba si Casanova? Ang tanga ko talaga. Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sa sarili na hindi ka nga pala magsasalita. Tingin ko hindi na rin darating si Casanova. Baka may problema rin sya na mas higit pa sa akin. O mas higit pa sa iyo kasi kung ikaw nga wala ka nang ganang magsalita, eh siya pa kaya na ayaw nyang magpakita sa atin. Di bale tsong. Tayo na lang ang mag-inuman. Magpakalasing tayo. Magpakalasing tayo hanggang sa malasing tayo sa sobrang kalasingan.

Nakita mo ba yung GRO na tinawag ko kanina. Type ko sya tsong kahit kasing-idad sya ng ninang ko sa binyag. Tsong, mukhang in-luv na ata uli ako. Tingin mo kaya magugustuhan nya ako. Single naman ako at may trabaho. Tsong, pangako ko sa iyo kapag sinagot nya ako ay iaahon ko sya sa impyernong ito. Ipapasok ko sya sa isang bar sa Malate. Babaguhin ko siya. Sa kanya ko iaalay ang buong buhay ko gaano man ito kawalang kwenta. Pag inibig nya ako ay pakakasalan ko sya sa kahit saang simbahan pwera lang sa Quiapo. Alam mo ba kung bakit? Wag mo na ring itanong sa akin kasi hindi ko rin naman alam ang explanation.

Pero baka iwan din ako ng GRO na iyon kasi lahat naman ng babaeng minahal ko ay iniwan ako. Dapat kasi inunahan ko sya. Ayoko kasi na ako ang iniiwan. Huhuhu! Tsong pasesya na ha. Naalala ko na naman sila. Naalala ko kasi yung mga masasayang araw namin lalo na yung kay Gigi ko. Natatandaan mo ba si Gigi ko? Teka, bakit wala pa rin ang beer natin? Alam mo yang si Gigi ko, minahal ko ng sobra yun tapos iniwan na lang ako ng bigla kasi ayaw nya na. Hindi ko na alam kung saan sya nakatira ngayon. Ewan ko talaga kung saan nagtago yun. Baka nga pito na ang anak nun. Baka nga namundok na iyon kasama ng isang payaso.

Hindi ko alam ang sagot tsong. Puro na lang tanong ang nasa isip ko. Puro tanong. Tanong. Tanong. Tanong. At isang bangin ng tanong. Dami na.

Pre, ayan na pala ang beer. Sa wakas.

Glog! Glog! Glog! Mas masarap nga yung walang yelo, diretso sa bote. Sumasabog sa pagkatao ko ang tama. Ganito talaga pag may problema ako, nawawala ang pakla ang alak.

Sa totoo lang tsong alam ko naman ang solusyon sa problema. Kahit wala ka rito, kaya kong payuhan ang sarili ko. Sasabihin ko lang sa sarili ko na huwag kong sayangin ang buhay ko dahil sa isang walang kwentang babae. Sasabihin ko sa sarili na marami pa dyang iba. Sasabihin ko sa sarili na dapat na akong mag move-on. Tsong, alam ko naman itong lahat eh at alam ko naman na ito ang dapat kong gawin. Pero ang hirap. Sobrang hirap. Madaling sabihin, napakahirap gawin. Sobra.

Kailangan ko lang ng kausap. Kahit siguro hindi na kausap. Kailangan ko lang ng makikinig. Yun bang may mapagsasabihan ako ng sama ng loob ko gaya mo. Para may witness ako kung paano ko tinutungga ang alak na ito nang walang yelo. Para malaman mo na bad tip na bad trip na ako sa buhay ko. Super saturated na ako. Oo, alam ko wala kang pakialam kung miserable man ako ngayon. Akala mo siguro hindi ako nakakahalata. Malas mo lang tsong natagpuan kita pero pasensya na talaga.

Glog! Glog! Glog!

Pati sa bahay ayaw ko nang maglagi. Isang bilyong piso ata ang pagkakautang ko sa pamilya at hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin matapos-tapos ang atraso ko sa kanila. Daming problema. Wala na akong pagtataguan tsong eh! Tatakas na lang ako. Tatakas ako sa isang lugar na kahit si Boss Gabriel ay hindi ako makikita. Tatakas ako na kahit ang kahera ng beerhouse na ito ay hindi ako maaabutan. Pero huwag kang mag-alala kasi me laman namang pera ang wallet ko eh. Kasama na dun ang tip ko sa kanila. Kunin na nila ang lahat ng laman ng wallet ko pwera lang yung picture ni Gigi ko. Me sinulat kasi syang dedication sa likod nun. Forever.

Forever daw. Sinungaling sya! Glog! Glog! Walang forever…huhuhu!

Tingnan mo tsong. Iinumin ko ang laman ng isang boteng Red Horse na hawak ko ngayon ng isang lagukan lang. Manood ka lang ha! Glog! Glog! Glog! Glog! Glog!

Okay ba?! Kahit walang yelo, kaya ko na talaga syang tunggain. Ito isa pa! Baka kasi isipin mo na isa lang ang kaya kong diretsuhin. Glog! Glog! Glog! Glog! Glog! Oh ano tsong? Bilib ka na ba? Sayang at wala si Gigi upang makita nya kung ano ang pinagdadanasan ko ngayon. Sayang wala sya rito para makita nya kung gaanong ka-miserable ako ngayon. Sayang! Sayang! Wala pang camera ang celfon ko.

Meron nga pala akong ikukwento sa iyo. Tungkol ito sa kaibigan kong si Frank. Kasama ko si Frank dati sa pakikibaka. Tsong, nai-stroke sya last year at muntik nang matuluyan. Napasobra sa alak at yosi. Sya nga ang masamang impluwensya sa akin kaya sya ang bestfriend ko. Sya ang lagi kong kainuman noon. Sabi nya sa akin dati: “Gilbert, hindi tayo kasama sa kwento ng mundong ito kaya wag mong seseryosohin ang buhay mo.” Tapos tatawa sya ng pagkalakas-lakas. Pero nagbibiro lang si Frank kasi hindi naman sya ganun. Sayang lang at hindi natin makakasama sya ngayon kasi wala na siya. Na-coma siya. Ayoko na nga syang dalawin sa PGH. Ayoko syang makita sa itsura nya ngayon. Hindi na kasi sya si Frank. Hindi na sya yung pinaka-astig na tibak dati sa engineering. Hindi na sya yung dating Frank na binubuhay ng mga matitinik na prinsipyo at paninindigan nya sa buhay. Ibang tao na sya. Katawan na lang nya ang nakahiga sa hospital na iyon. Sana natuluyan na sya noon. Sana nakamit nya na ang kalayaang nais nya. Hindi yung ngayon na para syang isang lantang gulay. Naka-dextrose parati at nakanganga. Isang humihingang manikin na binibihasan ng iba. Walang magawa. Pinapagalaw ayon sa dikta ng nurse. Patuloy na binubuhay para huminga. Para lang huminga. Alam mo kung kaya lang ni Frank na maigalaw ang kamay nya, nakatitiyak ako na aabutin nya kahit isang bread knife sa paligid nya at walang alinlangan nyang itatarak ito sa lalamunan nya. Kasi hindi sa lantang sitwasyon nya ngayon dapat makitlan ng saysay ang isang gaya nya. Hindi sa ganung nakakalunos na sitwasyon. Hindi kailanman.

Tsong, labis akong nakikiramay sa muling pagkabuhay ni Frank. Dapat hindi na lang sya nabuhay uli.

Glog!

Tsong, totoo kayang walang beer sa heaven? Walang beer o walang heaven? Alam ko totoo ang beer na hawak ko, pero yung heaven malabo. Kung meron man, nakahubad nga kaya ang mga anghel dun? Baka isang anghel sa langit ang nakalaan sa akin. Baka hinihintay nya na ako. Duon mamumuhay kami na walang problema. Eh paano kung pati ang anghel na iyon ay iwan din ako at sumama kay Dog? Kay God pala. Haliparot na anghel! Glog! Langyang buhay to.

Ano gusto mong pulutan? Ako na bahala? Okay. Kukuha na lang ako ng kahit ano wag lang sisig. Paborito kasi ni Gigi ang sisig. Kilawing tanigue na lang at saka limang bote pa ng Red Horse. Me lighter ka ba dyan? Wala? Sige kunwari me sindi ang yosi ko. Kunwari meron akong binubugang usok. Kunwari ako ang idol kong si Ace Vergel. Kunwari kasama natin si Gigi ko. Para makita nya na nagyoyosi ako. Para makita nya na miserable ako. Mas miserable pa ata ako sa salitang miserable.

Tsong, alam mo pagod na akong maglasing eh pero kailangan talaga. Halos gabi-gabi na lamang ay tumatakas ako sa problema. Sa mga problemang walang kalunasan, sa mga problemang walang solusyon, sa mga problemang walang sagot at sa mga problemang wala nang katapusan. Tanong, problema, ako. Langyang buhay ito! Ako ata ang tanong at ang problema eh! Bakit ba hindi ko maayos-ayos ang problema ko?

Bakit ayaw nila akong tantanan?

Punyetang buhay to!

Glog!

Ano ba ang gusto nila sa akin? Gusto ba nila akong subukan kung hanggang saan ako? Gusto ba nilang malaman kung sino ang mas matatag sa amin. Eh ilang beses ko na nga sa kanilang sinabi na wala akong laban sa kanila kaya nga andito uli ako at nagpapakalasing. Nagpapakalasing kasi wala akong laban sa kanila. Ang hirap bang unawain nun? Oo, alam ko mas masalimuot ang reason of existence mo kesa sa akin pero sana naman umiling ka man lang kung hindi ka sang-ayon sa mga sinasabi ko. Mas lalo ko kasing nararamdaman na mag-isa ako. Ayokong nararamdaman na mag-isa ako. Tingnan mo pati yung GRO na kanina lang ay kumikindat sa akin ay nasa kandungan na ng nursing student na iyon. Putsa naman! Teka baka naman yung malanding disco ball na nakasabit sa gitna ang kumikindat sa akin?

Naalala mo ba yung si Gigi ko tsong? Siya ang pag-ibig ko. Siya rin ang dahilan kung bakit araw-araw ay iniiba ko ang shout out ko sa Friendster ko. Siya ang buhay ko. Siya rin ang pumatay sa akin. Sa totoo lang, isa na lamang akong lasing na kaluluwa. Pasensya na tsong ah. Wala nang sense pinagsasabi ko. Wala kasing sense ang buhay ko. Mali si Frank, walang sense ang buhay. Kailangan bang me sense ang lahat tsong?

Naririnig mo ba ang pintig ng puso ko? Ang pag-ibig ba ay nasa puso o nasa utak natin? Kasi di ba puro lang muscles ang puso. Paniwala ko sa utak natin pumapana si Kupido. Jungle bolo ang ginamit nya sa akin, hindi pana. At sa aking pakiwari na kung ang pag-ibig nga ay likha ng isipan natin ay kaya rin natin itong kontrolin. Nasa isip lang ang lahat. Kaya dapat akong maglasing para mas makapag-isip ako. Labo. Ano nga ba sinabi ko?

Bakit ba hindi ko matanggap-tanggap na iniwan na ako ni Gigi ko? Bakit ba ayaw kong tanggapin ang katotohanan? Bakit ba pinipilit ko ang sarili na paniwalaan na ang oo ay hindi at ang hindi ay oo. Punyeta naman!

Glog!

Tsong, wag mo na akong titigan nang ganyan. Tsong, mukhang lasing na ata ako. Para na akong si Marshmallow Man. Pakiramdam ko rin lumulutang na sa alak ang utak ko. Lasing na ang isipan ko. Hindi na nito alam kung ano ang iniisip ko. Manhid na ako. Meron na akong tila electromagnetic shield na nakapalibot sa akin at kahit anong isipin ko ay parang bula lang. Pero ang problema ay nasa isip ko. Nasa loob ko. Nakakulong sa loob ng electromagnetic shield kasama ko. Kasama ni Gigi. Kaya mali ang analogy ko. Maling-mali! Pasensya na tsong, lasing na kasi kausap mo. Iihi lang muna ako. Sandali lang ito. Huwag kang aalis.

Teka, tsong lasing ka na rin ba? Bakit hindi pa rin nababawasan yang bote mo? Bakit kulay pula ang ilaw nila sa kubeta?

Pasensya na tsong. Ano ba problema mo? Puro na lang kasi sarili ang iniisip ko. May maitutulong ba ako sa iyo? Ano ang nais mong gawin ko?

Naiinip ka na ba?

Ito na lang tsong. Alam mo kung bakit talaga kita sinama dito?

Kasi ikaw ang totoong solusyon sa problema ko. Solusyon sa buhay ko. Ikaw ang pantapat ko sa Diyos. Hehehe!

Hindi itong paglalasing ko kundi ikaw. Ikaw! Gusto kong ikaw ang sumigaw para sa akin para magkagulo ang mga tao dito. Para maging saksi sila sa kamatayan ko. Para malaman nila na miserable ang naging buhay ko. Para magdatingan ang mga pulis dito. Para magdatingan din ang mga news reporter at makikita nila ang nangyari sa akin. Makikita nila ang ID na suot ko. Ipapalabas sa TV mamaya ang pagpapakamatay ni Gilbert Hozon na isang engineer sa loob ng isang beerhouse sa Kalaw. Sasabihin ng mga makakapunood na napakagago ko. Oo gago ako. Mapapanuod din ni Gigi ang balita. Sana mapanuod nya ang ginawa ko. Sana mapanuod nya…sana…

Pagod na kasi ako… huhuhu!

Isa akong malaking loser. Tsong, lahat naman tayo loser eh. Ang pinagkaiba ko lang sa iba, ako alam ko na. Kayo hindi pa.

Isang bote na lang, tsong. Maraming salamat talaga. Pasensya na kung magkakalat ako dito ha.

Glog! Glog! Glog!

Hindi lang kasi dugo at utak ko ang tatalsik sa sulok na ito.

Glog!

Hindi lang ang punyetang kamatayan ko

Glog!

Hindi lang ang mga punyetang problema ko.

Glog!

Hindi lang ang mga punyetang tanong ko.

Glog!

Hindi lang ang tinungga kong punyetang beer.

Glog! Glog!

At hindi lang ang punyetang balang karga mo ang tatalsik sa punyetang ulo ko… punyetang buhay to!

Hahaha!

Sana…

Sana pati na rin

ang mga punyetang

ala-ala

ni…



stiban_graffiti has blogged 9 posts



Kwentong porno
May 23rd, 2008 posted by stiban_graffiti under Uncategorized. [ Comments: 13 ]

Integral calculus kasi ang subject at ang hirap talagang unawain. Yung ngang pre-requisite nitong differential calculus ay hindi ko alam kung anong klaseng hocus-focus ba ang ginawa ko para pumasa. Panay kopya lang parati. Kasi naman talagang pang-utak henyo ang calculus. Ewan ko kung bakit sinama pa sa curriculum namin ito eh imposible naman kasing magiging mathematician ako balang-araw. Si Einstein lang ang alam kong may panahon sa calculus.
Simpleng tao lang kasi ako. Simple lang akong mag-isip kagaya ng mga kaklase kong utak-japanese cake.
Final exam na namin ngayon at kailangan kong maka-perfect para mahatak ko ang kulelat kong grado nung prelim at midterm. Pero, diyos ko naman, kahit anong klaseng isip ang gawin ko o pagkakamot ay walang maibibigay na kasagutan ang utak ko. Kahit naman kasi anong pakinig ang gawin ko nung nagtuturo si Prof ay para bang balang tumatagos lang sa bungo ko ang lecture nya.
Naisulat ko na ang mga formula sa armchair ko kanina pero hindi ko naman alam kung paano gagamitin ito.
Sinulat ni Prof. Dimagulangan ang mga problems sa black board. At habang binabasa ko ang mga tanong ay para bang sinisigaw nito sa akin na engot ako. Nababasa ko naman ang mga sinulat nya pero di ko maintindihan. Dapat kasi hindi na lang sumulpot ang calculus. Dapat kasi sa 23rd century pa naisilang sina Newton at Einstein. Ngayon, dahil sa kagagawan nila, nagdurusa ako.
Alam ko na wala akong maisasagot. Tinanong niya kung sino ang may mga permit na at ang mga wala pa raw ay maaari nang lumabas. May tatlong estudyante ang lumabas. Naiiyak ang isa na lumabas. Si Herbert yun. Madalas akong hiraman ng pamasahe nun. Working student kasi sya sa isang fastfood chain sa Robinson’s Galleria. Sarili nya pinag-aaral nya. Parang naaantig ang puso ko pero hindi ko malaman kung bakit. Me iba pa akong problemang dapat atupagin.
Sampung minuto na ang lumipas. Nabasa ko na ng sampung ulit ang mga given equations. Alam ko naman na puro dy dx lang ang maaari kong isagot pero intergral calculus ang kaharap ko ngayon. Ni hindi ko nga alam magbasa ng isang equation. Napakamot ako. Napayuko. Nag-iisip kunwari. Na-realize ko na mahirap talagang mag-isip lalo na pag hindi mo alam kung ano ang iisipin mo. Kailangan ko ng mirakulo. Kailangan ko ang karunungan ng Diyos sa mga sandaling ito. Kahit ngayon lang. Konting dasal lang ito at baka mauto ko siya. Our Father who art in heaven, thy intelligence be mine…Amen.
Sampung minuto pa uli. Walang response ang langit. Walang nakakasilaw na liwanag. Wala ring tunog ng trumpeta ng mga anghel. Marahil busy si God sa kakapanuod ng Tom and Jerry cartoon. Di ko na talaga alam ang iisipin ko. Tiningnan ko uli ang questionnaires. Umaasa na baka namamalik-mata lang ako at di problem solving ang exam namin kundi enumeration ng formulas o kaya essay-type lang. Kinusot ko ang mga mata ko at tumingin muli sa black board. Wala talagang pag-asa. Ito na talaga ang katapusan ko. Paalam makasalanang mundo!
Sinubukan ko nang tawagin sa isipan ko ang demonyo. Gipit na gipit na talaga ako pre. Sinabi ko na tulungan nya ako kasi naging pasaway naman ako sa mga utos ng alter-ego nya. Kahit kaluluwa ko ay isasanla ko para lang pumasa sa pesteng examination na ito. Naghintay ako ng ilang sandali. Walang lumitaw na hubad na lalaking kulay pula na me buntot at sungay. Wala rin akong narinig na tawang katulad nang kay Romy Diaz sa paligid. Nakakainis na talaga. Wala na ngang Diyos, pati ba naman demonyo wala rin. Kung ganun eh sino pa ang nagpapatakdo ng lahat ng ito? Ng sangkatauhan at ng buong kalawakan? Si Uncle Sam na rin kaya? Letseng mga Amerikanong iyan! Puro na lang sila ang may pakana!
Kay Superman na lang kaya ako mag-alay ng dasal tutal ayaw naman akong pansinin ni Jesus Christ? Pero fictional character lang din naman si Superman. Hindi rin sya totoo, ang totoo ay itong calculus na kaharap ko ngayon.
Naisip ko na kailangan ko nang lumingon sa paligid para sa kasagutan. Nakita ko ang katabi kong si Lucio na dumudungaw sa papel ko. Napa-ismid ako. Gusto kong kumuha ng fly swatter. Gusto ko syang batukan. Kokopyahan pa ako ng walang kwentang kaklase kong ito eh equal sign pa nga lang ang naidadagdag ko sa first given equation. Sinenyasan ko sya na wala pa akong sagot. Sa dami ba naman ng kaklase ko ay yung mas wala pang alam sa akin ang nakatabi ko. Sana kay Alexander na lang ako tumabi nung first day ng klase. Eh kaso me sitting arrangement na ginawa si Sir.
Binaling ko naman ang tingin ko sa kaliwa pero pader lang ang tumitig sa akin. Ano bang klaseng kamalasan ito?
Tumingala naman ako sa kisame. Limang butiking naglalaway lang ang nakita ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nag-uumpukan silang lahat sa ibabaw ko.
Tiningnan ko si Prof. Dimagulangan. Abala sya sa pagche-check ng exam ng unang section. Sinamantala ko ang pagkakataon at nilingon ko ang nasa likuran ko -si Lamielyn Santos. Hindi ko agad napansin ang papel nya. Nahatak kasi agad ang pansin ko ng kanyang malulusog na dibdib na dumudungaw sa kanyang blouse habang nakayuko sya at abalang sumasagot. Napatitig ako.
Alam ko naman na hindi ko makikita sa cleavage nya ang kasagutan pero halos lumuwa na ang mga mata ko dito. Para bang gusto nitong mag-bunjee jumping. Para ding may zoom ang mga mata ko na biglang luminaw ng tatlong ulit.
Nag-adjust pa ako ng resolution at naaninag ko na kulay yellow green ang bra nya. Cup C siguro sya kasi ang laki talaga ng hinaharap nya. Natural! Nakakaduling! Nakakapraning! Sobra! Kung kaya ko lang pahintuin ang oras ay kanina ko pa nilundag si Lamielyn parang si Venom. Tapos ang gagawin ko ay bubuhatin ko sya at ihihiga sa table ni Prof. Dimagulangan. Duon ko siya unti-unting huhubaran at dahan-dahang kukuhanin ang kanyang buong pagkatao at ispiritu hanggang sa bumunggo sa langit ang nagliliyab na maka-impyernong pagnanasa ko.
Nawawala na ako sa sarili at akma ko na sanang dadaklutin ang malalaking ano ni Lamielyn nang marinig ko ang boses ni Sir.
Cut!
Nagising ang ulirat ko nang sabihin ni Prof na last 5 minutes na lang. Bigla akong natauhan. Sumakit ang puson ko pagkatapos.
Namulat ako sa katotohanang wala pa rin akong naisasagot. Nakupo! Tiyak na uulitin ko na naman ang subject na ito next semester.
Napansin ko tumayo na si Lamielyn at nagpasa na ng kanyang bluebook. Sinundan sya ng iba pa. Hindi ko na hinabol ng tingin ang dibdib nya. Ilang saglit pa pati si Lucio ay nagpasa na rin. Masayang lumabas ang mokong, Nakakopya siguro. Dalawa na lang kaming natitirang sumasagot. Nasa kabilang sulok pa ang isa. Ilan kaya ang naisagot nya? Ano kaya ang probability na makakakopya ako sa kanya? Malabo. Walang pag-asa.
Wala na talaga. Tiningnan ko ang papel ko sa huling pagkakataon. Halos maiyak ako.
Tumayo na lang ako at inabot ko ang papel ko kay Prof. Dimagulangan. Kitakits na lang kami uli next sem sabi ko sa sarili. Pero nang lalabas na ako sa classroom ay tinawag niya ako. Hinawakan nya ang kamay ko. Marahan nyang pinisil ang palad ko at ngumiti sya sa akin.
Tinanong ko sya kung bakit.
Binulong nya sa akin ang dahilan.
Nagulat ako sa sinabi nya.
Napa-sign of the cross ako pagkatapos.



stiban_graffiti has blogged 9 posts



Kasingkulay ng isang bahaghari
May 4th, 2008 posted by stiban_graffiti under Alumni Stories. [ Comments: 1 ]

Naniniwala rin ako na lahat ng bata ay may pangarap.

At naniniwala rin ako na lahat sila ay may karapatang makapag-aral.

Subalit hindi naman lahat ay naniniwala pa rin sa paniniwalang ito.

Ang alam natin noon na ang edukasyon ay para sa lahat. Para sa mayaman at para sa mahirap. Ang alam din natin na ito ay para sa iyo, para sa akin, at para sa kanya. Kahit sino pa sya.

Madalas nating marinig noon ang pangaral sa atin na pagbutihin ang ating pag-aaral. Umiwas din sa barkada at bisyo. Ang mga ito daw ay upang makatapos ng pag-aaral at nang makaahon na rin sa kahirapan. Kapag hindi daw nakatapos ng kahit man lamang high school ay wala raw tayong mapupuntahan.

Kahit sa elementarya pa lang, tinatanung na sa atin ng ating mga guro kung ano ang mga pangarap natin. Kung ano ang mga ambisyon natin sa buhay. Madalas naman ay doctor, nurse, teacher, at pulis lang ang binabanggit ng mga bata. Meron pa yung nangangarap na maging astronaut kagaya ko. Hindi pa kasi nila alam na marami pang ibang propesyon. Kahit sa mga musmos nilang isipan ay mayroon na silang ideya sa salitang ‘pangarap’ at kung gaano kaganda magkaroon nito. Subalit ang hindi nila alam ay hindi ganun kadaling matupad ang mga iyon. Akala nila kapag sinabi nilang nais nilang maging teacher paglaki ay magkakatotoo na ito. Akala nila walang hahadlang sa nais nila. Akala rin nila na kasing kulay din ng mga krayola nila ang buhay na yumayapos sa kanila.

At sisimulan na nga nilang kulayan ng dilaw ang araw, ng asul ang dagat, ng berde ang dahon, at ng pula ang puso.

Para sa isang musmos, mas makulay, mas maganda. Mas maraming kulay, mas masaya. Subalit hindi nila alam na hindi lang isang simpleng papel ang tunay na mundo na pwede nilang guhitan at kulayan ng anumang naisin nila.

Pagkatapos ng elementarya, unti-unti nang magigising ang mga minsang naging musmos sa realidad ng buhay. Unti-unti na nilang mapapansin na pumupusyaw na ang kulay ng mga krayola nila.

Hindi na nila pwedeng kulayan ng dilaw ang araw, ng asul ang dagat, ng berde ang dahon, at ng pula ang puso gaya ng dati. Kasi unti-unti na silang magigising sa tunay na kulay ng lahat.

Sa pagpasok sa high school, maraming bata ang hindi na makakasali kahit naisin man nila. Marahil sapat na sa kanila ito tutal natuto na silang magsulat ng pangalan nila at basahin ito. Pwede na silang magpatuloy sa buhay – ngunit nang wala namang kalaban-laban kasi matindi na ang requirements ng lipunan. Kahit ang isang security guard ay kailangang nakatapos ng high school. Paano pa kaya yung hanggang elementarya lang? Makakapasok kaya sila sa pabrika bilang contractual workers? Magiging teacher pa kaya sila o doktor? Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ibubulong sa mga musmos na iyon na ayawan na. Na hindi na sila makakasali pang muli. Na hindi na sila makakasali sa paggawa ng homework, sa recitation, sa flag ceremony, at sa pagbili ng bagong pencil case at eraser.

Samantalang ang iba ay nasa loob ng mga bago nilang classroom kasama ng mga bago nilang kaklase, ang ibang naiwan ay napilitang bitawan ang lapis, umiyak ng konti sa tabi upang maagang harapin ang responsibilidad na hindi pa naman dapat sa kanila. Ang iba sa kanila ay patuloy pa ring umiiyak hanggang ngayon dahil sa karapatang pinagkait sa kanila. Dahil sa pagkukulang ng lipunan.

Kaya ang iba sa kanila ay ang lansangan na ang naging paaralan at unibersidad. At ang gutom ang naging guro nila na iisang leksyon lang ang tinuturo sa kanila ng paulit-ulit – iyon ay ang gumawa ng kahit na anong paraan para lang mabuhay.

Ang iba sa kanila, nabubusog hindi sa sandwich at orange juice sa kanilang lunchbox kundi sa sinisinghot na rugby. Ewan ko lang kung nabubusog ba sila dito. Pero tingin ko, hindi naman talaga nakakabusog ito. Nakakatulong lang ito marahil para makalimutan nila na gutom sila at mainda ang sakit ng kanilang nabubutas na sikmura. Kawawang mga bata, hanggang tingin lang naman ang magagawa ko. Pero ano ba magagawa ko? Hindi naman ako mayaman para ampunin silang lahat. Pulubi rin akong maituturing kagaya nila. Pero may nakapagsabi sa akin na isang kaibigan na kahit pulubi pa ang isang tao ay hindi ito hadlang upang hindi nya matulungan ang kapwa nya pulubi sa kahit na maliit na paraan. Tama sya dun.

Ano ngayon ang pwede kong gawin? Ano ang pwede mong gawin? Ang ipagdasal sila o bumuntung-hininga ng isandaang ulit? Ang magbigay sa kanila ng limos araw-araw? Ang pagsusumpitin sa mata ang lahat ng pulitiko? Ang magwelga sa kalsada at magsisigaw para sa pagbabago? Ito ba ang mga solusyon? Pakiwari ko ay hindi. Kahit ang pagsusulat kong ito ay wala ring kabuluhan kasi bukas ay patuloy pa ring sisinghot ang mga bata sa kalye. Kasi mas epektib pa nga siguro ang rugby kaysa ideolohiya sa pagpawi ng gutom. Kasi mamayang gabi rarampa muli ang mga batang babae upang ibenta ang kanilang murang katawan sa mga walang-kwentang tao at latak ng lipunan.

At ngayon naiisip ko pa na ang mga batang ito ay magiging magulang din balang araw. Ayoko nang isipin pa ang kahihinatnan ng kanilang mga anak at ng bukas nila. Wala nang katapusang sirkulo ito. Paulit-ulit. Palala nang palala.

Ewan ko ba kung bakit ko sinusulat ito. Alam ko naman na malabong matupad ang mga naisin ko. Alam ko rin naman na hindi ganun kadali ang iniisip ko. At alam ko naman na nag-aaksaya lang ako ng panahon sa pagsusulat ng isang lathalaing alam kong wala namang patutunguhan at walang maitutulong. Pero tinuloy ko pa rin.

Naniniwala kasi ako na ang lipunan ang may problema. Nakalimutan na nito ang tunay na kahulugan ng buhay at pag-ibig. Nakalimutan na nito na may responsibilidad ito sa kabataan bilang mga mabuting patnubay.

At ang pagtanggap na ang lipunan ay wala nang pag-asang mabago ay ang pangunahing sanhi kung bakit ito lumalala. Nakakalungkot isipin na tayo rin mismo ang mga taong bumubuo ng lipunang lumalason sa atin.

Tayo ang lipunan.

Tayo ang suliranin.

Tayo ang kumikitil sa kanilang mga pangarap.

Kung ako lang, pagod na ako - kagaya ng karamihan. Sawa na akong umasa sa makulay na pagbabagong ninanais na hindi ko naman mahahawakan. Pero ito tinuloy ko pa rin.

Siguro hindi naman talaga ako ang tumulak na magsulat nito. Siguro may isang maliit na parte ng pagkatao ko ang hindi nabago ng panahon. At marahil iyon ay ang musmos na ako sa akin na naniniwala pa rin na ang tunay na kulay ng buhay ay nakabatay pa rin sa kung anung krayola ang ipangkukulay ko.

At ang mga pipiliin ko…

Kulay dilaw para sa araw,

asul uli para sa dagat,

berde para sa dahon,

at pula pa rin para sa isang pusong hindi dapat mabahiran

ng kulay itim na katotohanan.



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stiban_graffiti has blogged 9 posts



Ceasefire sa TAC
February 18th, 2008 posted by stiban_graffiti under Adamson Chronicle. [ Comments: 13 ]

Tingin ko nasabi na ang lahat ng pwedeng sabihin ng parehong panig.

Sa nangyayari ngayon, hindi na maganda yung ganito. Halos magpatayan na tayo. Pare-pareho naman tayong mga Chroniclers. Kahit ako, foul yung mga pinagsasabi ko dito. Sorry sa new TAC.

Kung meron mang dapat makaintindi sa sitwasyon at hirap ng new Chroniclers, tingin ko ay ang kapwa rin nila Chroniclers na nauna sa kanila.

Pero sana maunawaan natin pareho na matindi ang nangyari sa student pub. Napasara ito ng admin ng dalawang taon. At ang masaklap pa nito, ang nasa pag-iisip ng bagong Chroniclers ay napakasama ng lumang TAC. Na napaka-corrupt nito at sobrang nakakahiya. Na dumating pa kayo sa puntong gawing VOLUME #1, ISSUE #1 ang maiden isyu ng term nyo. Ano ang ibig nyong ipakahulugan sa ginawa nyong ito? Mali yun. Mga bago pa lang kayong lahat dyan sa TAC. Lahat sa inyo, first time pa lang naging editor. Ni hindi nga kayo dumaan sa pagiging staffwriter ata.

Kung feeling nyo, hindi namin nauunawaan ang hirap na dinanas nyo sa maiden issue nyo, sana maunawaan nyo na hindi lang iisang issue ang ginawa namin dyan. At ngayon, nais nyong ibalewala ang lahat ng ginawa naming issues. Kung nakakahiya man sa inyo ang huling terms ng TAC, wag nyo namang lahatin. Ang alam ko ay volume 26 na dapat kayo at hindi volume 1. Paano naman yung mga naunang terms? PINUTOL nyo ang connection nyo sa mga naunang terms ng TAC dahil dito. Nagsisimula pa lamang kayo. Wala pa kayong napapatunayan. Pasensya na, ito lang ang nararamdaman ko.

Pati yung editorial nyo. Ano ang nilalaman nun? Patungkol ba yun sa mga kalintikan ng lumang TAC? Sino kayo para husgahan ang term na yun na masasabi kong isa sa pinakamadilim na pahina ng TAC? Alam nyo ba na napaka-traumatic sa mga Chroniclers ng last term ang pangyayaring iyon? Na sa kanilang term bumagsak ang Chronicle? Na hindi nila alam kung paano nila tatanggapin ang pagkakasara nito.

At ngayon, ang mismong NEW TAC pa na wala pang napapatunayan ang naghagis ng bato sa lumang TAC? Sino kayo? Andun ba kayo nun? May naitulong ba kayo? Kung ako nga na isang senior ng TAC, hindi ko magawang masisi ang last term dahil sa pagkakasara ng Chronicle na ginawa ko nang buhay ko, sino pa kaya kayo? May karapatan ba kayo?

Nakakasawa na yung ganitong away natin. Dumudumi na.

Kay Onlooker, sports lang tayo. Kung magka-batch tayo, tingin ko magkakasundo tayo kasi pareho tayong pikon. Sana mabuhay mo yung interes ng Adamsonian sa sports kasi para sa akin, wala talagang kabuhay-buhay ang magsulat ng tungkol sa sports. Lalo na sa basketball na laging talo ang varsity natin. Pero walang suntukan.

Kay Gervic, sa lahat ng member ng new TAC, ikaw lang ang medyo kilala ko. At nabasa ko na yung ibang articles mo, masasabi ko na okay kang magsulat at yung pag-apply mo sa editorial board exam para sa new TAC ang isa sa mga ikinagalak ko. kasi kahit papaano ay hindi totally naputol ang “bloodline”. At sa pag-aaral ko sa composition ng pangalan mo at sa hugis ng iyong mukha, nahulaan ko na ok ka. Sensitive ka lang. Normal lang yun lalo pa’t nagisa yung maiden issue nyo. Ikaw pa naman ang associate editor. I know how it feels… Hehehe. wag nyo na lang personalin ang isyu nyo dito ni Tikgirl kasi ganun talaga mang-okray yun. Kahit ako napipikon ako sa mga comment nun. Wala na akong masasabi sayo. Sorry sa mga nasabi ko dati sa term nyo. Alam ko bago pa lang kayo kaya sobrang hirap talaga ng pinagdanasan at pinagdadanasan nyo ngayon (nagsasalita ako bilang isang Chronicler kagaya nyo).

Anyway, Kahit ano pa man ang nasabi, CONGRATZ sa MAIDEN ISSUE nyo. Hirap ano? Pero masarap. Hindi ka na mahihirapan manganak sa panganay mo Gervic pag nag-asawa ka. hehehe.

Advice lang, namnamin nyo yung mga feedback at atake sa inyo dito. Marami kayong matututunan dito.

Sa layout, nandyan pa ata si Invaderzim at willing syang tumulong sa inyo. Malaki ang maitutulong ng magandang layout at magaling na layout artist. Sobra! Kasi dapat di na pinoproblema ng mga writers ang pag-le-layout dahil ang layout artist na dapat ang gagawa nito.

Kay Tikgirl, keep it up! You’re doing great. Naka-blockbuster ka sa post mo pati yung adviser nila ay napasalita mo.

Sa writing, anytime pwede kayong tumawag sa kahit sinong alumni ng tac para tulungan kayo. Wag na kayong pumunta sa baguio o sa kahit na ano pang seminar. Free of charge yung mga alumni. Dunkin Donut lang katapat nila. Wag kayong mag-alala di ako kasama dun. Baka di na ako makalabas ng buhay dyan. Hehehe. Sa totoo lang, maraming mababait na TAC alumni. Sobra!

Mag-recruit din kayo ng artist para sa graphics. Kailangang yun sa dyaryo lalo na sa editorial nyo. Wag kayong kukuha nang artist na si Popeye lang ang kayang i-drawing.

********************************

Alam ko darating din yung time na magkakasundo-sundo ang lahat para sa kapakanan ng Chronicle.

Pero ceasefire lang ito (para sa akin). Hehehe. Who knows?



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stiban_graffiti has blogged 9 posts



Sa mga sandaling gaya ngayon
December 31st, 2007 posted by stiban_graffiti under Alumni Stories, Career Tales, Living Overseas. [ Comments: 1 ]

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas masarap gawin. Ang isulat ang mga walang kabuluhang naiisip ko o hayaan lang na titigan ang mga ito sa pagitan ng aking mga mata. Parang tatlong pulgada lang mula sa aking noo ang distansya ng blankong kawalang ito na wala naman talagang saysay at anyo para sa akin. Pero ang existence nito ang umuubos sa mabagal na mabilis na takbo ng oras ko.

Hanggang ngayon, mas malubha pa nga siguro sa isang schizophrenic at sa isang taong bangag at tulala ang kalagayan ko sa mga sandaling na ito. Mas mainam pa nga sila minsan kasi nabibigyan nila ng katauhan at pangalan ang mga nililikha ng isipan nila pero para sa akin, kahit isang butil na anyo ay wala akong maturan.

Kahit na mag-ubos pa siguro ako ng isang tangkeng yogurt sa kakaisip sa blankong kawalan na ito ay mauuwi lang ako sa estadong pinagmulan ko. Alam ko madalas blangko ang isip ko, yung walang maisip pero nag-iisip ng wala - ginugulo ako ng kawalan. Kaya nga marahil mas masarap pa lasingin ko na lamang ang aking sarili sa kakatitig dito kasi hindi ko naman talaga maisusulat ito kasi kahit na tuldok ay wala akong mailalagay. Ewan ko ba. Parang nag-ii-skydiving ang isipan ko parati. Pag tinatanung ako kung ano ang iniisip ko, ang prangkang sagot ko ay ‘wala lang’. Ayaw nilang maniwala sa sagot ko at sasabihin nila na baka me problema ako. Ano magagawa ko? Iyon naman kasi talaga ang madalas na iniisip ko. Wala. O kaya, marahil ay naghihintay lang ako sa pagsulpot ng isang bastos na screensaver ni Sora Aoi sa harapan ko.

O kaya, marahil ay tinititigan ko lang ang marahang paghagod ng saglit habang pinapatigil ko ang pagkatunaw nito. O kaya naman ay nais ko lang magpahinga sa kakaisip sa mga bagay na walang kwenta at me kwenta. At siguro nais ko lang na kahit minsan ay maging malaya ako sa mga ito. O kaya rin ay gusto ko lang sigurong makatakas pansamantala sa obligasyon kong mag-isip nang hindi umiinom ng muriatic acid o nagpapakalunod sa panis na katotohanan na lahat ng tao ay mga _________ lamang at ang mundong ito ay isang malaking _________ kagaya ko.

Minsan, pag dinadalaw ako nito upang titigan sya ay nagpapakabingi na lang ako sa mga pinirata kong piniratang MP3. Kahit hindi ko pakinggan ang lyrics ng paborito kong kanta ng Imago ay sapat na sa akin na maramdaman na kahit 245 seconds ay mas pinili ko na magpakaanod kasama ng diwa ni Aia gaya ng isang candy wrapper sa marahas na pag-agos ng tubig habang hindi alintana kung saang bangin ba nito ako itatapon matapos. Pikit-mata ko na lamang uling hahagkan ang malansang mundo tutal wala namang kabuluhang problemahin pa ito.

Inakala ko dati mas masarap makipag-unahan sa mundo kaysa titigan lamang ito mula sa isang sulok. Pero tila ba sa saglit na magawa mo nang maunahan ito, at malampasan ang lahat ng ginawa at nagsulputang problema, at mapagtawanan ang de-pisong masa, at madurhan ang masaklap na kahapon, at mabigyan ng katanungan ang mga sagot mo, at masipa ng ilang kwadrilyong ulit ang mga sandaling pagtakas ay mapapansin mo na wala pala talagang kabuluhan ang lahat ng mga ito. Pagkatapos ng lahat, wala ka nang kabuluhan. Marahil wala ngang kabuluhan ang tunay na kabuluhan ng lahat. Sa takot at lungkot lang naman natin talaga nag-uugat ang saysay ng lahat ng ating ilusyon.

Andito lang naman siguro tayo para pagmasdan ang pagsikat ng araw at ang paglubog nito. Upang pagmasdan ang pagkabigo at pagkasawi ng lahat, ang pagiging ampaw ng tao, ang pagdating ng bago at ang pag-alis ng luma. Bawat paglipas ng saglit ay senyales ng unti-unti nating pagkatalo sa oras.

Alam ko me kahulugan ang mga bagay subalit hindi ko alam ang kahulugan ng kahulugan nito. Ginugulo ko lang ata siguro ang 1 GB (gagobyte) na isipan ko.

Pero hindi ko pa rin alam, madalas hindi ako pinapatulog ng naiisip kong ewan. Bigla na lang na magigising ako mula sa aking pagkakatulog upang lingunin ang hangin, pero kahit ang hangin ay walang kinalaman kasi pakiwari ko nasa vacuum ako o nasa puyo ng isang black hole na bigla na lamang sumusulpot sa sintido ko at nakikihigop rin sa hindi ko naubos na Pepsi. Subukan ko mang bigyan ng anyo ang nilalang na nasa harapan ko sa pagbuga ng usok dito mula sa nahinging yosing hinihithit ko ngayon ay wala ring maitutulong. At gaya ng dati, gaya nung mga nakaraang araw, gaya nung mga nakaraang mental eclipses, eleksyon at dinastiya, kahit usok, kahit imahinasyon, kahit isang patinig ay pawang naduduwag na hubaran ang gumugulo sa akin.

Marahil, siguro, ang blankong kawalan na nakalutang sa harapan ng mga mata ko ngayon ay reflection lamang ng tunay na pagkatao ko. Isang blank space na nabigyan ng obligasyong mabuhay at nakatakda ring mawalan nito upang ibalik din sa tunay nitong anyo. At marahil, sa sandaling iyon, maiintindihan ko na ang lahat-lahat.

At marahil hindi na nga rin talaga.



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stiban_graffiti has blogged 9 posts



Sa panulat na lagi kong tangan
December 31st, 2007 posted by stiban_graffiti under Adamson Chronicle, Alumni Stories, Opinion. [ Comments: 2 ]

Marahil, kung meron mang isang linya na talagang tumatak sa aking isipan at mahirap makalimutan - ito ay mula sa akdang isinulat ni Celia.

Gaya ng dati, hindi pa rin nagbabago ang dahilan ko kung bakit ako nagsulat noon at kung bakit ako muling nagsusulat ngayon matapos ang limang taong pagiging isang android. Nagsusulat ako kasi dito ko lang nailalabas ang lahat ng santimong nag-aamok sa lubak-lubak na iskinita ng isipan ko.

Dahil din sa wala akong makausap kaya ako nagsusulat. Napakadalang kasing me matatagpuan kang nilalang na hindi apektado sa buhay ni Kris Aquino at yung me interes sa mga bagay na hindi madalas napag-uusapan. Puro kababawan at mga walang katuturang kwento ang maaasahan mo sa mga akademistang kaklase, sa mga kasamahan sa trabaho, at sa lahat ng nakakasalubong mo sa kalye. Pakiwari ko tuloy minsan ay parang umaatras ang evolution process ko at kapag nagpatuloy pa ang ganitong sitwasyon ay marahil, pagkalipas ng 10 years ay isa na lamang akong naglalakad na plankton.

Kung ano kasi ang binabalita sa telebisyon at dyaryo, ito lang ang pinag-uusapan ng masa – bukod sa tsismisan sa barangay. Balita sa pulitika at sa showbiz na ang tanging dahilan lamang ay para manlinlang ng tao. Karamihan sa mga balitang naririnig at napapanuod natin ay ginawa lang para magkaroon sila ng magandang rating, me gimik at me nililikhang senaryo, at upang ihanda ang isipan ng masa para sa evil deeds na binabalak nilang gawin. Puro commercial ads na lang ang lahat.

At sa trabaho, sa katotohanang wala ka nang aatupagin kundi ang araw-araw na magsaksak ng time card sa bundy clock upang i-prove lang ang existence mo. Hello?! At yung trabaho mo na mas challenging pa ata ang magbalat ng butong-pakwan. Andyan pa yung lagi kang ngingiti sa boss mong alien at sa mga kasamahan mo sa opisina na mas ‘ungas’ pa sa medyas mo. Yung makikibagay ka sa mga malalabnaw na kwentuhan ng ibang Pinoy para di ka ma-out of place at mapanisan ng laway pag-uwi. At yung bang maghahanap ka pa ng taong makikinig sa mga kulot mong tanong at sa mga balbon mong pananaw na hindi ka pagtatawanan o iisnabin o lalayasan o ipagdarasal o sasabihan ka na isa kang anti-Christ o nasisiraan ka na ng ulo o yung sasabihan ka ng isang HRD manager na baka magtatag ka lang ng isang unyon dahil sa sineryoso mo ang pagsagot sa kaniyang psychological exam.

Kaya nga mas mainam na ibuga na lang ang lahat ng iyong mga kahiwagaan sa pagsusulat. Kung paanong na-engganyo ako para magsulat noong nasa Adamson pa ako na may mga isyu pala na mas higit pa sa aking pagiging simpleng estudyante noon at may mga bagay pa na higit pa sa Vision-Mission na inilatag sa iyo ng Adamson. Ang eksena noon at ang eksena ngayon ay walang pinagbago sa kulay maliban lamang sa katotohanang mas malawak at mas nakakalason na ang mundo, mas marami nang isyu - di lang sa magigiting na OSA at AUSG. At wala na ang tinimbang at affordable na sisigsilog na may gravy.

Sa pagsusulat din ay makakalikha ka ng mundo, ng iyong dimensyon, at ng iyong lokasyon sa kalawakan. Dito, ikaw ang bida at ang kontrabida, ikaw ang anghel at ang demonyo, ikaw ang prinsepe at ang natutulog na prinsesa, ikaw si Joma at si Gloria, ikaw ang rapist at ang rape victim, ikaw si Panday at si Lizardo, at ikaw ang tanong at ang sagot. At kaya mong i-fast forward ang panahon, lumikha ng wormhole, gawing four sides ang triangle, lumunok ng atomic bomb, at higit sa lahat, pwedeng ikaw ang maging number 1 porno star sa mundo at si Mai Hagiwara o si Sora Aoi ang next na ka-partner mo. O silang pareho.

At sa iyong lampara, makakalikha ka ng simula at ng wakas.

At ng panibagong simula uli.



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stiban_graffiti has blogged 9 posts



My personal views on issues surrounding the Adamson Chronicle
December 7th, 2007 posted by stiban_graffiti under Adamson Chronicle, Opinion. [ Comments: 27 ]

[Original title, "My personal views regarding issues surrounding the Adamson Chronicle and some bedtime stories from 1998 to 2002," has been redacted to prevent it from cracking up the blog's layout - Adamsonian]

Despite my bickering, I still welcome the new generation of Chroniclers. I agree that they do deserve to show what they got and what they can offer to their publisher – the students. If I could only be there at this very moment, I would definitely have tons of stories to tell them.

But there are still unsettled issues here and I want to reiterate it again in this article before we start to move forward. If we will just neglect such issues, history itself will happen again right before our very eyes. My wrath is not for the new Chroniclers. It is for the blood-sucking imps.

I have also empathy for the new batch. If I am in their shoes, I will also defend the new TAC from attacks. They cannot defend the students if they cannot even defend themselves.

*********
To the new editorial board, maybe you would also understand my reactions and sentiments about the tragedy of the old TAC. Its closure was the biggest headline that has slapped my face. Damn! It felt like a 20-kg acme anvil fell over my skull! My beloved institution is in ruins and with just a glimpse of it really rips my heart out. If I was so radical about the plight of the students’ rights before, what more will you expect from me if I saw that the pub itself was shattered into pieces. Like you, I also have my own responsibility to TAC. As an alumnus I have to say something about its demise. I really ought to.
I don’t expect your term to do something about my sentiments because you are all still new and you were given a very important task to fulfill. Your main task is the rebuilding of the new cornerstones of ‘our’ TAC. You need all the assistance and luck to accomplish such gargantuan task of rebuilding and all of you deserve all the best wishes in the world. Running also a student pub has never been a simple task – it is a ‘life-changing’ experience.

Anyway, would you care to send me a copy of your maiden issue? I shall give you my mailing address in Jeddah if you say yes. Don’t worry; I will be in my silent mode for your first issues. But please forgive me for this very small remark. I thought you said that you will release it this December? Just a simple advice, be conscious about such delay especially if your issue is time-dependent. If your December issue contains Christmas articles, then distributing it in January or in February would be quite odd to read.

*********
The first time I learned that TAC actually had their first meeting; I felt a very big relief and gladness. That once again the same sanctuary that both nurtured and tortured us before is now here again and is currently breastfeeding the newbies, hopefully with the same black milk that gave us sleepless nights before.

But please do pardon me if I say that I don’t like the phrase “forgive and forget.” Some might say: Hey Aldrin, TAC is back on its knees again, why are you still complaining? Can you just join the party and stop being a killjoy?
Do you want to tell me to shut up and just move on and start a new beginning? Do you want to tell me to just forget the mournful funeral of the old pub and celebrate with roaring laughs and lots of hurrahs the rebirth of it while making ‘beso-beso’ with the same force which was also the main cause of its death?
I still stand firm to my belief that the closure of student publication for two years was wrong. Worse, the Admin only spared the name of the pub and everything else was changed. With all of these mutations, it is clear that there was a sinister plot for the closure of TAC. If the Admin’s real reason was to help the student pub to have a better direction, their fatal action for its closure was way too far. Why did the Admin have to change almost everything if they were only asking about the financial statement?
They should have talked with the last editorial board if they believed that there were things that needed some adjustments and changes. Instead, the Admin had showed its brute force again and fired its might and directed it to the Penthouse. They dropped the bomb and instantly made a ‘racial holocaust’ of the old TAC. After the bombing, the SV Penthouse was turned into a ground zero like Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The last editorial board was obliterated. Our old issues were disposed. The archives were probably carelessly and unofficially handled to a carpenter. And the Penthouse was left shattered into smithereens and disemboweled it from anything that would describe something about its past. Can the Admin do again such demolition job to any organization every time they want change? I say yes.

The next time I visit our old office, I shall bring a Geiger counter to check if even its radiation was also washed away by the Admin.

**********
Two years after the explosion, the Admin themselves ALONE did new landscaping works on the exact burial ground of the old pub. They planted different varieties of garden mums, orchids, and roses inside the Penthouse so the birds and the bees will be seen flying again. There are no more cockroaches left, I guess.

**********
As what I have seen in the latest videos of the SV Penthouse by Invaderzim, I really fear that the archives of the old TAC was thrown in the abyss and that the old issues were burned or were turned into papier maches – leaving the new TAC with no trace of its history. No matter how bad their history was, they should still keep it. I also fear that the new TAC would feel ‘shameful’ about the previous terms which, according to some beliefs, only did rampage instead of running a publication with decency. I hope not.
I ask the new batch of Chroniclers to please redeem those old issues and ‘memorabilias’. Those old issues were not only the remnants of our period but most of it came from our predecessors. Let us never forget that the new Chronicle has a long history of struggle for students’ rights and we should keep that history for us to learn from it.

**********
Actually, I did belong to a big portion of the ‘notorious’ era of TAC but I am not ashamed about it. In my four-year stint in the pub, I could still say that we did the things what we believed were right. I am always telling that we did our best because we actually did it. Until now, there is no reversal of principle and there will be no ‘erratum’ of what I did and wrote before. My stand before as a Chronicler has remained unchanged. I am not stubborn and I am not a close-minded man. It only happens that my convictions before was so strong that until now I still have the courage to rekindle my past with pride and dignity.
I cannot deny that we made a hell of mistakes before. I fully accept each one of it but never did I felt shame for it because we were not god and everyone makes mistakes. God knows that we were still vulnerable from internal problems. Before, I usually tell my fellow editors the difficulty of our role. I ask them why we could clearly see the mistakes of the Admin and its cahoots but we were too blind to see the shortcomings of our very small 4×4 office and the stinking foul smell of our system. That we were too brave to shout the mistakes of the Admin but we were too shy to expose our own dirt. Yes, we had our own dirt in our face. But there was a constant struggle to clean it by ourselves and perhaps it is time to give a short view of how we battled and survived our own nasty problems during our “running wildly in the dark” reign.

I just want to say something about the loose phrase “running wildly in the dark” by JB. Maybe he was referring to the last terms from 2005 and back. I cannot defend the succeeding terms after my graduation in 2002 because I was not there, but when it comes to our period, such phrase is quite unacceptable to describe what we did.
I have served four good EICs and I can still remember how each one of them performed. I saw their weaknesses and strengths. I just hope that my contemporaries will forgive me for sharing their little secrets. These are just my personal accounts and views. And the people I will be mentioning hereafter are free to correct my reviews.
Again, these are only according to my own viewpoint.

Alvin F. Julian’s Term (1998 – 1999)

I came to TAC as an artist in 1998 and not as a writer. I didn’t know how to write and I didn’t read books. I could only draw and I was surrounded by a bunch of writers who were talking incomprehensible things that I considered Aramaic for a normal student like me. I often asked myself what I was doing in that place. The office was a haven conducive only for freaks, nerds, atheists, Communists, and bookworms. I can still remember the first instance I saw SV Penthouse. At first, I didn’t know the place. The guard only told me to just follow the stairs up until a small office block my way. I submitted my bio-data and sample artworks to Mr. Joebert Lazarte. He was actually the first Chronicler who I personally met. It was also still clear to me that it was Ms. Rosemarie Villaflor who I asked for the results of the artist examination. And it was Mr. Ronnie Biando who conducted our exam. He was also the EIC prior to AFJ. The moment I learned that I got the position was hours after they had their oath taking. They just told me, “Bakit ngayon ka lang? Kanina pa ang oath taking natin. Kumain ka na ba?”

So I was baptized in the term of the ‘perfectionist’ Mr. Alvin F. Julian. I can say that his term was an easy one because everyone was cooperating and all of the new writers were so enthusiastic to lick the night with Cheese Wiz. I cannot really make a good and valid description of his term for I was the only inactive member of that term. I did not actually saw how they have shaped their term. I only attended presswork after they have given me verbal warning that they could kick me out. I knew that AFJ pampered us with food during presswork. There were no hungry nights in SV Penthouse and in the printing press. If they will say that feeding the hungry staffs were extravagant, I say no. We needed to eat and our given to us by our parents were not enough for our obligations to the pub.

AFJ’s term only produced about four issues. I know that he valued quality over quantity. We also published an issue of San Marcelino literary folio. I forgot the title of that black booklet.

Despite of his being an atheist that gave some shade to the motif of his term, an issue of TAC could still be read as an amalgamation of other writers’ points of view who had their own political and religious beliefs – not only AFJ’s criticized atheism. They say before that Chroniclers were writing atheism stuffs. Yup, it was true but not all. Our EIC is an atheist but not all of us. Some where agnostics, skeptics, devout Christians, and simple day dream believers. I myself believe in God but I don’t believe in religion.

*********

There was a deep sense of respect to everyone’s beliefs in TAC, not only in AFJ’s term. Our beautiful features editor was always writing articles for the glory of God and yet you could see her and AFJ often playing boggles. And she often leave the defeated AFJ amazed and wondering. Alvin didn’t know that she had challenged a girl with a pair of chameleon eyes.
For the record, AFJ managed to submit his term’s financial statement to the Admin after being properly audited by a certified accountant - just to clear the allegations that we only did parties and other hedonistic activities. We did not go to Boracay to do our presswork.

Ms. Ma. Celia E. Clave (1999 – 2000)

Next, it was the ‘tyrant’ Ms. Ma. Celia E. Clave’s turn. I feared the year 2000 was the end of the world and still I was wasting my remaining days in the printing press with people who had forgotten to bring extra under wears for an anticipated extended presswork.

The start of her ‘dictatorship’ made tremor to the pampered staff of AFJ. She was the only EIC who didn’t stay in TAC office during her term. She was always going to the printing press after her class instead. Her column ‘Sistema’ in the previous term made an impact to me especially when she wrote ‘5.0’ exposing her harsh comments on the grading system of Adamson. I asked her if she was really the one who wrote that ‘coz I was so moved by it. She just laughed and said to me that it was nothing. I admired her because I didn’t know that there was actually someone like her in my university who had the courage to fight the all-powerful Admin. In my high school years, there was no one like her and a radical institution like TAC.

I just hope that Ms. Clave still has the same convictions.
Atheism almost disappeared during her term and radical writing was the new game plan. She was not an atheist but a social activist.

Also in her term, I saw that TAC was reconnected to the studentry. We published what the students wanted to read.

********

The term of Celia showed me the real meaning of being a Chronicler and the true essence of the student pub. Celia was the one who forced me to transform my sketches into words. I started to write officially as a staffwriter. In Celia’s stormy term, the annoying multi-page portion of ‘Mga Expose ni Kurimao’ was conceived.

Some of my collegues showed disapproval to the continuity of publishing Kurimao for various reasons. Some said that Kurimao was a loose cannon of TAC and it abused the boundaries of press freedom. Some of my editors also answered that the students were only reading Kurimao and the other articles were just space fillers. There was even a call by the editorial board itself to restrain Kurimao.

If Kurimao’s existence was detrimental or beneficial to TAC, it is up for the tombraiders to answer it.

Anyway, that frog is already a part of TAC’s history.

Kokak! (”,)

*************
I believe that Apathy is the main reason how TFI and campus abuses are still happening because we don’t give a damn to our surroundings. We were too busy for our academics. We were to busy for our studies. We were to busy to be ‘educated’. I believe that spreading campus awareness was the primary role of TAC, by telling what were really happening beneath the air-conditioned rooms and newly-painted hallways.

Adamsonians should take role in defending their rights. AUSG and TAC cannot do it alone. That is why we have to awaken them for they alone can fully change the unstoppable system. Their unity can give sufficient blow to Admin’s follies.

TAC and AUSG can only tickle the giant’s belly but THEY can awaken the consciousness of the BIGGER GIANT - THE STUDENTRY!

Sounds idyllic?

The almost legendary AUSG president Rolando dela Cruz has proven that the students can be awaken.

*************
Miss Clave’s term produced about seven issues with two magazines and a literary folio entitled ‘Kataga’. Finally, quantity and frequency were also given importance. We did not only run wildly in the dark – we also wrote. Miss Clave, with her leadership skills, has re-awakened the pub from its serene existence. (Actually, I am not sure with the figures that I am giving but as far as I can remember, the actual number is close to what my memory bank is telling me.)

In my opinion, the term of Ms. Clave was almost ideal when it comes to her published issues. But I can also say that her term was the most gruesome when it comes to internal politics. Her strict leadership caused the pub to be divided into factions. Each faction wanted to overthrow her and I know each one of them. When I remember those wicked days, I can’t stop myself from cursing those Chroniclers who had almost caused the pub to crumble. I said to myself before that my loyalty will always be for the EIC. It was important to support the EIC because her downfall will affect the entire publication. And I strongly believed that Ms. Clave was doing the right thing. If you could only have some issues of her term, you can see the pale color of those days. We even published those internal dilemmas in some of our issues. We did not hide it because it was damn too serious.

After her term, some of those who made the failed plot disappeared and some only made a very good camouflaged. It was a very long and tiresome term but her term made a very good sharpener for our pens.

Ms. Maureen T. Tiamsic (2000 - 2001)

She is one of the best writers that I had worked with in TAC - perhaps even the best EIC when it comes to writing. Her term was able to publish about twelve regular issues even though the publication fee was permanently glued to Php 20 for so many years. The students saw the frequency of TAC. They could expect that every month we were on the gates busy distributing their copies. We did that with a very small budget. And with that, how can one say that we did nothing? Every term, we strived to give better services to the students than before.

But tragedy came knocking on the same door again. The same problem of Ms. Clave when it comes to the factions that divided her term brought aftershocks to the term of Ms. Tiamsic. Some editors did not support her for they themselves expected that they would be the next EIC after Ms. Clave. There was no cooperation in the editorial board but Ms. Tiamsic still managed to survive her term with appreciable results. I still pity her term for we had already all the good writers and editors that we needed but because of their personal ambitions, their skills were not used by the publication.
One of the most remarkable things in TAC’s history that I only saw in Ms. Tiamsic’s term was the ‘unification of beliefs’ and the ‘blood compact’ of the two main vanguards of students’ rights: The Adamson Chronicle and the Student Government led by Ms. Melona R. Daclan. During Maui’s term, there was actually a ‘tag team’ made to combat campus repression. I give Maui five golden stars for that accomplishment. AUSG and TAC should really work together and help one another because they share the same noble goals.

**********

I can still recall the night when I asked Maui to teach me something about subject-verb agreement because I was an idiot when it comes to writing in English. How I wish that there is really a time machine so that I can go back to those days. She was also my classmate in Differential Calculus and our professor was the android Mr. Saavedra but we were still not Chroniclers then. I usually saw her smoking cigarette before the start of our class in ST building.

Her term also finished publishing the literary folio entitled ‘Bungang-Araw sa Tag-Ulan.’
Mr. Sylvere C. Borromeo (2001 – 2002)

This man has no stain of blood in his soul. He was the type of EIC who was open-minded for views and suggestions of his staff. He didn’t make decisions without asking his editorial board. If there were problems, he would immediately call for an editorial board meeting. He valued teamwork and had no ambition to be the ruler of the world. He only wanted to conquer dream world. I feel that I am giving to many praises to this man but he truly deserves every word of it. He wrote articles so easily that it was unbelievable for me to see him actually do it with the keyboard.

If AFJ is an atheist, Clave is a social activist, and Tiamsic ‘was’ a ‘leftist’; Mr. Borromeo was a very neutral guy when it comes to his writings. He usually wrote articles about computers and anything that you can expect from a commercial Sunday magazine. He didn’t dictate his staff to write what he believed in. The pub’s motif was neither black nor red, but technicolor. During staff meetings, we asked the editors and writers for their ideas for what the next issue would contain. Democracy was the golden house rule then.

When it comes to the number of released issues, we surpassed the record of Ms. Tiamsic by about two issues. His term also showed warm cooperation among the editorial board, the staff writers, and the graphics department - that the term of Ms. Tiamsic was forsaken of. He had no problems with his staff mainly because almost all of my fellow senior jerks disappeared already after the term of Ms. Tiamsic. So his term was literally composed of obedient and peace-loving creatures. We also published our own 100-page San Marcelino literary folio entitled ‘Tabula Rasa…’
But I can say that the ‘democratic approach’ of Mr. Borromeo’s leadership was only seen successful because most of his staff members were new and obedient. But if I will switch Mr. Borromeo to the term of Ms. Clave’s and Ms. Tiamsic’s very hostile environment – I am quite sure that he would commit suicide because he would soon be swallowed alive if he did not. His mellow style would be of no match to the pangs of stubborn editors before that bit the neck of my former EICs. Hence, I can say that there was a good ounce of stardust and luck sprinkled over his term that contributed to its success.

Our major problem came only from one of our senior editors for he was unable to perform his job of furnishing us our own financial statement. It took me a number of memos to squeeze him to give us a financial report. Even after my graduation I was still haunting him for it. I thanked God that after my last year in TAC and after I stepped down to kiss the ground under, that guy was demoted to a lower position because of his undesirable performance.

********

Excluding the guitar he broke, there was only one shortcoming of Mr. Borromeo and it was the prevented delay of the editorial board exam. I knew that he didn’t intend it to be late for few months but I still warned him that such delay would cause a very big disaster to The Adamson Chronicle. We had the obligation to turn over the pub to the next term on the first month of the incoming school year. If we overstayed until July, we would have definitely made a very grave offense not only to TAC but also to the next term. The next term needs the complete school year to fully perform their role and it is very unforgivable if their oath taking will be delayed for months whatever the causes might be.

*******
Regarding the last Editorial Board of Ms. Joanna Paula Belgica…

To Ms. Belgica, just feel free to correct the following paragraphs if there are some details here which you believe are wrong. I don’t know exactly what had happened because I was in Riyadh then.

I have learned that the same delay in the editorial board exam by Mr. Borromeo was one of the mistakes of the term of Mr. Jeffrey Hanapon. Just few months after, the last breed of Chroniclers were sent to firing squad by the friars. I believe that the ‘big’ delay caused by the term of Mr. Hanapon gave the incoming editorial board of Ms. Belgica with a very little time to group itself. Mr. Hanapon failed to give the results of the editorial board exam and left TAC waiting aimlessly for nothing. He didn’t come back. So, Ms. Belgica who was the associate editor at that time, decided to hold a new editorial board exam. It is stated in TAC’s editorial board policy that in the absence of the EIC, the AE shall take the position of leading the paper. I believe that the oath taking of Ms. Belgica’s term was held in September – roughly four months late. And TAC I believed was closed in November of the same year. With such weak moments, the Admin grabbed it as a golden opportunity to execute their long overdue nasty plan of finally conquering the almighty Chronicle. The Admin assaulted the three-month-old (I don’t know how long exactly) editorial board with a blitzkrieg of crimes-against-humanity-like cases. They were asked to stand trial for the violations of the previous terms. What’s that?! Third-Degree of Holy Sh*T!!!

I believe that the last ed board also did their best but unfortunately, they hit the jackpot. Honestly, almost all the other previous terms had their weak moments also. Even weaker. We were only fortunate enough back then because we had learned to make use of our own special mutant abilities. Alvin was a goddess, Celia was a Medusa, Maui was a dinosaur, and Sylvere was simply blessed by God.
The only difference was that the last ed board led by Ms. Belgica was given so little time to do something about the Admin’s attack. Even if she wanted to change their fate she can do nothing because however she wanted to make it happen, a complex institution like TAC was so hard to be moved. The EIC herself cannot do magic alone. Everyone must cooperate especially the entire editorial board.

Again, I honestly don’t know the details of their struggles.

*******
I believed that TAC was also temporarily closed during JB’s term. Maybe he could tell something about that because I feel that the Admin is really the culprit.

*******
Anyway, we still managed to peacefully handle over TAC to Mr. Michael Gallego’s term with an almost clean sheet and no more strings attached to some pesky third parties sent from hell. I was not sure if it was June or July that they held their oath taking. Anyway, that’s all what I can share. I cannot say something about the existence of the succeeding terms. After my graduation in 2002, I just remained a spectator of the succeeding terms of TAC for I was busy and was starting to orient myself to the bigger world of corporate slavery.

*******
May I clarify to you that I am not boasting when I enumerated all of our accomplishments. I am just giving statistics to prove that TAC actually was able to distribute issues frequently and that every term aspired to serve the students better no matter how big the problems we were experiencing back then and how trivial our funds we were receiving. Also, we didn’t release issues as if we were on a car race or that we just wanted to outdo the previous term. It is a very bad motivator. We only wanted to make the publication serve the students better. If we could make this thing good today then after a year, we can make it better. I assume that it is not a sin to dream to be better and serve better.
Now after laying our green turf, I am proud to tell you again that we did our very best despite the big barricades that blocked our way. We had problems but we managed to solve it. With our records, I can say that I have the authority to say things about the illegal closure of TAC in 2005 and some serious issues concerning the new TAC. I was not born yesterday and I am not an ignorant bystander from a very far, far, far away galaxy aimlessly throwing baseless comments to issues that I don’t know.

*******
I have my own solutions on how to make TAC perform better based on what I have experienced before. I agree that there should be an overseer for TAC because as what I also experienced, every term was a new start for TAC. We always start to zero every year. There was no sense of continuity and long range plan for TAC because every year there would be a new line up of players eager to make their own style and etch their own performance. That is why we made the former EIC to be a part of the next editorial board to serve as an editorial consultant or as an ‘adviser’. We had our own ‘adviser’ before but we picked it from our ranks who has more experience compared to what Admin has placed to the new TAC. If I will choose between our editorial consultant to that of Admin’s appointed adviser, I will choose an editorial consultant. What experience does an adviser have that would benefit the new TAC? She is just a faculty of Adamson. Does she know how to make a newspaper and how to manage a student publication like a former editor-in-chief? I think not. She is just also a newbie like the new generation of TAC when it comes to managing a student publication. A former editor-in-chief knows how to bleed blood during presswork and he knows what to do in order to make the new term perform better. Based on what he had experienced as a writer and as a student before, he can guide the new TAC to avoid certain academic problems like failing grades and absences. A former editor-in-chief still has the soul of a student. He knows what his fellow students need. I could name EICs like Ronnie Biando, Joebert Lazarte, and Alvin Julian.

An adviser can be picked by the Admin from any faculty member of Adamson. She still has her own problem and teaching responsibility. How can she help the student pub? Will she teach the newbies how to sing harmonically? I believe an adviser is just a surveillance cam of the Admin to monitor the student publication’s activities – as what we had believed before. I still want to see TAC to be managed by the students only. But to really achieve our own goal of continuous development, I suggest that the editorial board should ask a former EIC to be its editorial consultant. Before I suggested that the editorial board to have a ‘council of elders’ to guide the new writers. But with a very small fund, we cannot lure any alumni to take the position for he will surely be busy for his family’s daily needs. Maybe some might accept the job but it is better to temporarily keep that idea in a freezer until we were able to increase the student publication fee from Php 20 to a more senseless amount. So that we could able to give the chosen editorial consultant at least some transportation allowance to go from his office all the way up to SV Penthouse. I don’t want to sound materialistic, but there are only very few Good Samaritans remaining in this world. We cannot ride LRT for free.

I know that the publication doesn’t need an adviser. But for the helpless status of the new TAC today, they do need some guidance and assistance for their first years of re-existence. For now, I have no choice but to accept an adviser. It is because two years after the TAC holocaust, the new TAC is no different to an orphaned chick recently hatched from an egg without anymore parents to take care for it. Instead, the wretched white hunter who shot their parent dead was the one who adopted them. Irony.

*****
I don’t have any personal vendetta against Ms. Arlene Paredes. I really don’t personally know her. It only happened to be that she was the first one who sat on the hot seat of the adviser position. We in the pub were against of having an adviser before. Almost all my former EICs, fellow editors, and my ancestors have fought for the ‘no-adviser’ status of the student publication for decades. So it is not only me and it is not only now that I am singing this old chant.

But as a young professor like Ms. Paredes, I have deep respect for her. And now that she is the adviser of the new TAC and knowing that I can do nothing about that, I just hope that she will do her very best. And I know that she can ask assistance from some of her Chronicler friends. May the force be with her.

I will just ask JB, what if it is not Ms. Paredes? What if the Admin chose someone you know who is IMMATURE and a DICTATOR? I am quite sure that you know that there are such wretched people existing in Adamson. What then would you say if an IMMATURE ADVISER is placed to ‘guide’ the new TAC? Will you still say yes for an adviser? Surely, the ‘benevolent’ Ms. Paredes will not be there forever.

******
One of the things that I cherish most about TAC is the unfading loyalty of its alumni. Unlike AUSG and RSOs. When any of our members have left the pub, there will always be a string that the pub itself will tie around their hearts. I only saw that phenomenon in TAC. When I was still in the pub, I was always seeing our former editors frequently visiting and assisting the present term. I saw them helping the new editors in editing articles and giving advices to some issues. Before, because of them, we felt that we had our own ‘advisers.’ In the time of Mr. Alvin Julian, I saw Mr. Joebert Lazarte in our presswork. In the time of Ms. Ma. Celia Clave, I saw Mr. Ronnie Biando. In the time of Ms. Maureen Tiamsic, I saw again Mr. Alvin Julian. In the time of Mr. Sylvere Borromeo, there was Ms. Tiamsic and the complete support of the staff.

So I really say NO to an Admin-sent adviser because TAC has already produced a dozen of its own well-experienced EICs. All we have to do is just to dig for their graves.

*********
The other issue is the publication fund. It has to be increased. Php 20 will bring you nowhere. I hate annual tuition and miscellaneous fee increases but look at me now I am asking for an increase in our fund. That amount has been the same amount for eons. It was unchanged. And the Admin was so selfish to give our own little increase. They were asking too much from us. I believed that even if we beg for mercy, kneel on rock salts, do somersaults, and sell our souls – they would not approve our petition. But when it comes to their TFI, all praises to the Almighty Lord and all the singing angels in the heaven above for the bread and butter that He keeps on providing them. Amen! Hallelujah!
I know that the university has to make increases because all the prices are also increasing. But why it has to be done every year and why it has to be between 10 to 12 percent always? Can they reduce it to only 6%? And why they cannot make it as big as 25%? If they can resist the temptation of having a succulent 25% TFI, then they can also resist the temptation of maintaining their quota of annual 12% TFI and make it lower to 6%. A student doesn’t need air-conditioned rooms to study better. The sad reality about these lavish renovations is that it is only the rich Adamsonians who can afford its corresponding TFI. A ‘labandera’ mother of a poor Adamsonian now has to be an ‘all around katulong’ to earn bigger money to sustain the ever-ballooning tuition of his son. Before, she was only serving one ‘amo’, now she has to look for another ‘amo’ or start to be a ‘jueteng kubrador’.

Have we seen the effects of TFIs to poor students and to their parents? Why are we only focusing our senses to the new paintworks and all-year round campus beautifications? We don’t need all of these ‘enchanting lotus plants’. We don’t need too much ACs. We don’t need the four-thumbs-up accreditation of PAASCU. We don’t need state-of-the-arts telebots to solve our security problems. We don’t need plasma TVs. We don’t need excessive landscape beautifications. We don’t need to see that the Estero de Balete can actually sustain live tilapia fishes. We don’t even need to see our own reflections from that creek while there are dehydrated live ducks swimming around. And we don’t need additional expenses to things which are unessential.

Adamson University is a learning institution and not a theme park!

A student needs quality education and he needs to finish his studies without giving additional burden to his parents every enrollment. That’s all he need and I guess that the Admin can actually decrease the TFI to at least 9% or 7.5%. At least with a small decrease in lavishness of Adamson there would be a corresponding decrease in TFI and eventually a ‘labandera’ mother can finally have a rest in her house with a certain degree of assurance that even if she has a rest day she can still expect that her son can finish his education.

********
I just want to reiterate the real role of TAC and that is not be a cute student publication like the rest but to show the students the real deal and to wake them up and tell them that they are also leaving in a programmed Matrix-like realm. That they think that they are awake, but actually they are still in deep slumber.

********
To Josh, I know that TFI is NORMAL. But it doesn’t mean that anything that is NORMAL is RIGHT. Having a mistress is already a NORMAL thing to a Pinoy, but can we consider this normal right? Broken families, failed marriages, early pregnancies, kidnappings, graft and corruption – these are all NORMAL things to our society nowadays. But can we consider them right? As a new editor, you must see the real thing and not only the scoreboard.

********
And finally, I still stand to NO TO TFI! TFI is not that impossible to stop. Our idyllic struggle when we were still in TAC is still possible to be achieved. If our Vincentian priests would only see what a normal student truly needs, then they can reduce their over-the-top spending. And if only our venerable Saint Vincent de Paul is alive today, I would definitely ask his view about TFI. But unfortunately, old Enteng is now just a big pile of colored and hardened concrete mixture; he can do nothing but to be a solid perch for birds.

Now I finally remember why his statue is facing TUP.



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stiban_graffiti has blogged 9 posts



Sepia Photo
October 2nd, 2007 posted by stiban_graffiti under Literary. [ Comments: 6 ]

It was one of those ordinary days while I was reading a love-hate pocketbook when my Aunt Lucille called. She was asking for help because her youngest daughter was missing for days. She started to cry. I told her to calm down and I promised her that I would do my best to help her.

The following day, I personally visited all my police friends for help. They all promised me that they would check their records and they would contact me as soon as they could get some answers. It was good that I kept good relationship with my former buddies. I was a criminology student before until a series of cerebral quakes shook my path and drifted me to journalism. I ended up as a crime reporter in the nation’s lewdest tabloid. Last week, we featured the nude photo of JAV star Maria Ozawa in our front cover. She was so hot. With such cover girl, our tabloid was indeed the best when it comes to obscene photos.
But some didn’t like what we were publishing. I recalled the suicide note of my former editor after he had sliced the throats of our section editors. “We are already showing pornography and writing sensationalized news. We always demand that freedom of the press should always be upheld. But look at us now. All I have been seeing in our covers are nothing but big tits, big boobs, and big butts of lewd girls, and those worthless and shameful scandals of our politicians. I don’t care if Kristine Hermosa is pregnant or if Oyo Boy has a new girlfriend. I am sick and tired of kicking the butts of our senators in my column. It is useless. Better to ask me to literally blow their asses into pieces. Are you joking? Is this really my next assignment? Sorry but I will not write an article about Kokey. Who is that freak? Why are we confident in publishing such crap? Is it just because our society likes reading it and that all of our issues sell like hot pancakes? Damn it! Our paper is a big trash. We are abusing press freedom. Press freedom is not absolute for there is no such thing as absolute freedom. If we start to think that we are free to do or write anything, freedom itself will soon imprison us. I despise people who want freedom so badly. I despise those people who read showbiz articles only. I despise this world. It is hopeless. My readers are not in this world. Follow me in hell!”

Within a week, one of my friends in WPD responded. He informed me over the phone that he had some leads on my cousin’s case. He told me that I had to visit him in his office in Kalaw to personally check the files. His voice was shivering. He stopped for a while as if he was waiting for something. I did not hear any sound. I was clueless. He spoke again and he asked me to leave immediately. He told me that he would be waiting for me in Osario instead. He changed his mind. I asked him what was happening but the phone went dead. I didn’t know what to think. Everyone seemed to have some life-threatening problems.
On that same day I rushed to Manila from Bacoor to see my friend. There was traffic all the way and it took me three painstaking hours to finally get to Paco Park. We used to take photographs in that park in our high school years. Nostalgia was seducing me again. “Will you come or no?!” the woman in the booth said. She looked like mad. She was really mad actually. I immediately gave her a five peso coin and the wicked witch of that park gave me an entrance ticket.

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stiban_graffiti has blogged 9 posts


 


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